I'm not him
by Melonypond
Summary: Bucky is alone, confused, and very, very lost. The one thing he's sure of, is that Steve Rodgers is not an enemy. The weeks pass and Steve gets a message from C, turning his life upside down. / contains stucky, fitzsimmons, PTSD, and possible triggers.
1. Lost and alone

It had been two weeks since The Winter Soldier had left his mission, the super soldier, at the bank of the potomac river. This man was so familiar to him. He couldn't forget his face, It was burned into the winter soldier's mind.

With a puff of air, he fell against a wall, leaning heavily on it for support. He hadn't eaten in the time he was away. He hadn't slept much either, nightmares that made no sense kept waking him up. The weeks of exhaustion were finally taking their role.

His metal arm was hidden beneath the sleeve of a stolen sweatshirt, allowing him to almost blend in with the people around him. Not there were many out, the sun had set long ago and the only people on the street were hustling quickly from one building to another. The large man decided his best chance at answers would be with that man.

Struggling to think back before his last memory wipe, he remembered a name. Steve Rogers, the one who had followed him to the roof after he shot Nicholas Fury, leader of the organization S.H.I.E.L.D. His apartment location was still programed inside his head. Turning down the street, the soldier sighed heavily and began to walk in the direction of Steve's home. For whatever reason, he had the belief that Steve wouldn't kill him on sight. It was his best shot, for he couldn't keep wandering the streets of D.C. forever.

Steve groans softly, leaning against the wall of the elevator in his apartment building as it went up. He had lied to the doctors when he had said the shots in his stomach felt okay. Everytime he moved it felt like someone was stabbing him. His reason for lying about the pain was simple and selfish. Bucky. His best friend was still out there, confused and hurting. It was Steve's job to find him and bring him home. He smiled softly, remembering one of bucks sayings. "Friends dont leave friends to get beaten up in alleyways".

Steve pushed himself away from the wall of the elevator and stepped out as the doors opened. Ignoring the pain in his stomach, Steve walked up to his door and let himself in. Sighing, he pushed the door closed and turned the like on. He looked up and found a man standing in the middle of his room looking tired and malnourished.

The winter soldier stared at Steve as he entered the room. He knew him, he recognised the way he moved but he couldn't place how. "I know you." Bucky whispered. He stared at Steve, feeling his legs give out beneath him. After weeks of not eating and sleeping very little, he didn't have the energy to stay upright.

Steve just stared at the man before him. He was unable to move, completely shocked by the sight of his best friend. "Bucky," He whispered, unable to move. He saw Bucky collapse and he rushed forward to his friend.

"Hey there Buck." Steve reached out and carefully laid a hand on Bucky's shoulder. He peered carefully into his friends bruised eyes.

"Steve." Bucky whispered, giving into the weight on his eyelids.

Steve watched as Bucky's breathing panned out into a slow rhythm. He pulled Bucky against his chest and stood. Steve carried him into the bedroom, ignoring the stabbing pains in his stomach. Setting Bucky on the bed, he pulled a blanket over him and walked back into the living room. He fell onto the sofa and relaxed into the cushions. Steve figured it was best to give Bucky a little space for the night. He closed his eyes and drifted into a shallow sleep.

A strangled sob and a heavy thump jarred Steve awake. His snapped open, and he rolled rather ungracefully off the sofa. Throwing himself down the hall towards his bedroom. He stood at the door and saw that the sheets of his bed were tangled and lumped in one corner of the bed. Bucky, however was nowhere in sight.

Looking around the edge of his bed, he spotted Bucky curled on the floor, his shoulders shaking heavily. "Buck?" Steve whispered, kneeling next to the man before him. "Bucky what's wrong? Please, talk to me." He reached out and laid his hand on Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky weakly pushed himself away from Steve. He whispered something too quiet for steve to hear. He curled tighter around himself and continued to shake and sob.

"Bucky please, I only want to help you." Steve begged, moving closer to his friend.

The winter soldier whispered again, but this time steve could hear it. "Im not him!" He hissed out. "He fell of the train, but he's gone. I may look like him, but I'm not!" He continued to sob and shake.

Steve looked as his suffering friend on the floor. "I don't care who you think you are. You're hurting and lost and I just want to help you. Please, just let me."

The soldier didn't respond.

Steve sat down next to the man and placed a hand on his back and rubbed it soothingly. "Go to sleep bud. We can figure this out in the morning." Steve moved closer and pulled his friend's head into his lap. He stroked his friend's hair soothingly, eventually calming him into sleep.


	2. Falling

Well, I wrote this chapter with a ridiculous amount of speed. anyways, there will be more stucky in this chapter than the last. Enjoy!

* * *

Steve opened his eyes slowly, groaning at the pain in his stomach. He mentally hit himself for leaving his pain meds in his jacket by the door. He opened his eyes and looked at his sleeping friend. His hair was long and greasy. It was snarled and tangled beyond belief. Steve looked down at Bucky's face. It was bruised and - even while he was sleeping - angry.

Steve sighed as Bucky continued to sleep uneasily. His metal arm was mostly hidden beneath an undoubtedly stolen sweatshirt. It was torn, stained, and just about ready to fall apart. Beneath it, Steve could see Bucky's thin frame.

"What am I gonna do with you?" Steve whispered to himself, running his hand through his friends' hair.

Bucky stirred, hearing Steve's voice speaking to him. He opened his eyes and they slowly focused on Steve. "Why do I know you?" Bucky whispered, hoping Steve would hear him. His throat was dry and his stomach felt like it was caving in on itself but he needed answers.

Steve swallowed, looking down at his broken friend. "James Buchanan Barnes. That's who you a- were. I was his best friend. You remember me because somewhere in your head, you remember our time together." He continued to run his hand through Bucky's hair, working at the snarls and removing them gently.

The winter soldier swallowed through the disgusting taste in his mouth. "Why did you call me Bucky?" He asked softly.

Steve smiled sadly, remembering the time they had spent together in Brooklyn. "Because, I know you think you're not him. I know you think you're not Bucky, but you are. Whatever happened to you, you will always be Bucky."

"No." He whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't be him anymore. Whoever you knew, I'm not him. I've seen too much, changed too much, to be 'Bucky' anymore."

Steve frowned. "We'll talk about this later. You need to eat something."

Bucky began to push himself upright but fell back. He didn't have enough energy to move at all. He frowned and tried again. This time, Steve was prepared. He slid an arm behind Bucky's back and used his other to pull the two of them into a standing position. He grimaced at the strain on his stomach and the ache in his neck from sleeping in such an awkward position.

Steve walked with Bucky to the kitchen. Moving carefully, he pulled a chair out and helped him down gently. Steve filled up a glass of water for Bucky and set it on the table. He walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a few different fruits. He chopped them into small pieces and threw them firefly on a plate. He set that in front of Bucky and sat himself down next to him.

Bucky stared blankly at the food in front of him. He started to remember what had happened to James 'Bucky' Barnes. The train, the falling, the pain as he hit the ground. He knew how it felt, he was there. With a shaking hand, he reached forward and took the glass of water. Why did he have to remember this _now._

Steve watched with relief as Bucky drank from his glass of water. Things were going better than he expected. The two of them ate the fruit together. Steve continued to keep a close eye on Bucky. His movements were mechanical and empty, but he was eating. That in itself was a miracle.

When the plate was finished, Bucky placed his hand in his lap and stared forward. It was all he could do to keep himself composed as the memory of the train replayed over and over again. It felt as though his chest was collapsing in on itself as he remembered over and over again.

Steve stared at Bucky, waiting for _something_. "Buck?" He called quietly. There was no response, not even a blink. Steve placed a hand on his shoulder and shook him slightly. "Bucky." He called, a little louder this time.

Bucky heard him scream. He fell through the air again and again. Each time he could hear Steve scream his name. Was it even his name?

Steve continued to try to break Bucky out of his trance. He shook him gently and called his name over and over again. "Bucky please, just talk to me." Steve pleaded, staring into Bucky's empty eyes. His body was rigid in his chair and his breathing was strained.

Not knowing what else to do, Steve pulled him onto the floor and wrapped his arms around Bucky. He rocked back and forth, trying to comfort Bucky in what ever way he could. Sam had described something like this before, he called it "the thousand yard stare".

"I don't want to die Steve!" Bucky called out, his eyes still unfocused.

"I won't let you. No one's going to hurt you Bucky, not anymore." Steve promised, hoping Bucky could hear him.

Bucky felt himself falling again, but this time was so realistic. He saw the land fly around him. He lashed out, trying to grab anything, to break his fall. He just wanted it to end.

Steve felt tears come to his eyes as Bucky's fist connected with his stomach. His limbs were flying everywhere and he looked terrified. Steve took a deep breath and threw himself on top of Bucky. He was hit again and again as Bucky continued to panic.

Almost out of ideas, Steve took Bucky's face in his hands and kissed him the way he had always wanted. The way he never dared to back at home.

Everything stopped for Bucky. The falling, the noise, the screaming. It was like someone had flipped a switch. He closed his eyes in relief, feeling tears roll down his face. But that wasn't all he felt. He felt someone pressing their lips to his. A kiss as some might say, though far more desperate than he had ever thought they were supposed to be. He opened his eyes as the person kissing him pulled back.

"What was that for?" he whispered softly, still feeling the tears run down his face.

Steve smiled down at Bucky. "You came home."


	3. A message from C

**A/N Hello everyone, I'm sorry it's taken me forever to upload. I'm going on a camping trip this week and my wifi access will be down to almost nothing. However, this does mean that I will be writing a lot and hopefully posing another chapter or two by the end of the week. **

* * *

The water stopped running, and Steve heard bucky shuffling around in the bathroom, drying and getting dressed. Steve held the metal arm in his hands, waiting. He heard some more shuffling and then a very quiet "Steve?".

Steve set the arm on the couch and moved over to the bathroom. "Buck are you okay?" He waited for a response, when there was none he slowly opened the door. "Bucky?" Steve pushed the door open the rest of the way.

Bucky was sitting on the floor outside the shower. He had managed to get the sweats on, but the shirt was laying next to Bucky. He looked up at Steve, tears in his eyes. "It hurts." He whispered. "I can't get up, and my arm." He stopped and looked away. "I hate this." He whispered.

"It's gonna be okay." Steve crouched down next to Bucky, helping him to his feet and walking down the hall together. He helped Bucky into one of the chairs in the living room. "I don't know if this helps, but you're not him anymore, okay?" Steve turned around and picked up the arm. "The arm is yours Buck." He showed him the shoulder, smiling hopefully. "It doesn't belong to him."

Bucky stared at the arm. "Okay." He whispered.

"Can I put it back on you?" Steve kneeled next to him.

Bucky nodded slowly and looked over at Steve. "Do you promise?" He whispered.

"What do you mean Buck?"

"Do you promise that you won't leave me?"

Steve set the arm down and took Bucky's hand in his own. He looked into his friend's eyes. "I'm with you till the end of the line."

Bucky smiled softly and nodded at Steve to put the arm back on.

Steve worked quickly and carefully, latching the arm back on Bucky's shoulder. Steve smiled hopefully at Bucky. There was a ghost of a smile on Bucky's face.

"You've gotta eat Buck." Steve pulled out a chair for his friend.

"I'm not hungry." Bucky argued.

"If you don't eat, you'll never get better." Bucky's stomach growled loudly. "Also, you're a terrible liar."

Bucky snorted. "You're one to talk."

Steve turned to his fridge, pulling some eggs and cheese out to start on some eggs. Bucky had been at Steve's apartment for a few weeks now. He was making progress, but it was slow going.

Bucky was stubborn and malnourished, but the worst part was his memories. When it came, it came in bits and pieces. Often times, it was painful for him to remember. After all of the times hydra had wiped him, reclaiming memories was almost as painful as losing them.

A buzz brought Steve out of his thoughts. His Stark phone had received a text. Steve picked up the little device.

"Meet me at the washington monument. 5 pm today. -C"

It was an unknown number. Steve put the phone back down and finished the eggs. He set the plates down on the table and sat across from Bucky. He poked at his eggs, eating them slowly.

"Steve, what's wrong?" Bucky asked. His plate was cleared of all food.

Steve paused for a moment before answering. "Nothing Buck. I'm fine."

"Terrible."

Steve looked up from his plate. "What?"

"Your lying is awful." Bucky smirked. "What's up."

"I got a text from an unknown number. I know that's not weird, but look at what it says." He slid the phone across the table.

"Are we going?" Bucky asked, passing the phone back.

"No _we're _not. I'm going and you're staying here."

Bucky crossed his arms and glared at Steve. "No. We go together or not at all. You promised you wouldn't leave me."

Steve sighed. "Fine, we can go. But you have to promise me you'll be safe."

Bucky smiled and walked into the bedroom they had been sharing. Steve looked over at the clock. 2:15, great. He finished his eggs and put the dishes in the sink, walking back to the bedroom. Bucky had laid out his uniform. Black cargo pants, a kevlar vest, and a black t-shirt.

"Buck, the goal is to blend in." Steve laughs softly.

"Then what would you suggest grandpa?"

Steve shakes his head and goes into his closet. "Keep the pants and shirt but loose the vest. Try this over the top." He tossed a light plaid button up to his friend. It should keep you pretty cool and hide your arm. I mean, you don't have to. But the option is there."

Bucky looked down at the shirt and back up at Steve. "I'm not him. You said it yourself Steve." Bucky released a shaky breath. "I'm not that monster anymore. I don't want to hide."

Steve smiled softly and walked up to Bucky, taking the shirt from his hands. "You're not a monster. You never were." Steve wrapped his arms around bucky's waist. He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on his friend's lips. "I'm happy you're here and I'm proud to be seen with you. The shirt was a dumb idea anyways." Steve whispered, pulling slightly away from Bucky.

Bucky smiled and closed his eyes, enjoying the closeness of Steve. For the first time in a long time, he felt safe and loved. As he stood there, an absurd thought crossed his mind. "When did you start eating eggs for lunch at two in the afternoon?" He chuckled. "Didn't your mother teach you anything?"

Steve smirked and pushed Bucky away. "When did you get so picky about your meals?" Steve retorted.

Bucky paused for a moment and looked away. "When I realised I could be."

Steve smiled sadly. "Get dressed, I'm gonna go for a run."

He clapped Bucky's shoulder and walked out of the small apartment. Steve opened the front doors of the apartment and took off running.

He pushed himself harder as he ran around the city. The exercise helped him clear his thoughts when he started to remember the train. It was his fault Bucky had fallen, it was his fault he had to go through that.

He had been running for about an hour when he arrived at his apartment again. Bounding up the stairs, he walked up to his door and stepped inside. "Bucky, I'm home." Steve called, tossing his keys in the little dish by the door. "Buck?" Steve called again.

Fearing the worst, Steve made his way into the bedroom. "Bucky? I'm here, where are you?" He whispered, looking around. He made his way to the other side of the room and spotted Bucky in a corner, curled and shaking.

Steve threw himself next to Bucky pulling him close. "It's okay Buck, I'm here. No one's gonna hurt you. You're safe." He felt Bucky wrap his arms around Steve, holding tightly. "You're with me, I'll keep you safe Buck. No matter what, cause I'm with you till the end of the line."

Bucky took a shaky breath and slowly began to relax against Steve. Swallowing hard, bucky began to tell his story. "It was the middle of winter." He started. "You were one skinny little punk. Always getting sick. But this time, it was bad. You were too weak to get out of bed and go the the bathroom, we were too broke to get you medicine and we were almost out of money for the little bit of heating we had. You were coughing and hacking and shivering under the blankets we had piled on top of you. And then, the heating quit." Bucky shook his head. "You were just about ready to quit too. But I wouldn't let you freeze, you weren't going out like that. So I slid under the covers and kept you close all night. The temperature dropped that night, you almost froze. I was so worried, I couldn't sleep all night. But morning came and you looked a little better." Bucky chuckled slightly. "Looks like it ended pretty well."

Steve smiled at Bucky. "Sometimes, I miss what it was like before the war." Steve hummed. "Everything was simpler, maybe not easier, but it was simple."

Bucky nodded. "You smell awful." He chuckled after a few moments.

Steve rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna take a shower, then we can go to the monument." He ruffled Bucky's hair as he pulled away from Steve.

Steve stepped out of the shower and toweled off. The clock was just reaching 4. Throwing an athletic shirt and a pair of jeans on, Steve stepped out of the bathroom.

Bucky was lounging on the sofa, sharpening his knives. He looked up as Steve walked past. "Just in case." He stated while slipping the knives into their case.

Steve strapped his shield to his back. "That''s fair, we don't know who's going to be there and why." Steve slid the stark phone into his pocket and opened the door. "Are you coming or not?"

Bucky smiled and walked out with Steve. "Someone's gotta keep an eye on you."


	4. Together again, sort of

_**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update, the past few weeks have been hectic. I also considered scrapping the idea midway through and struggled with that, but I hope you injoy! Remember Rate and Review please!**_

Steve and Bucky walked down the street together. Bucky was nervous at first about the stares he would get, but he quickly found that not many people noticed. Just as they were about to reach the reflecting pool, a young boy stopped Bucky.

He tugged at the edge of Bucky's shirt, trying to get his attention. The two men stopped and knelt down in front of the boy. "Hey there," Bucky said, smiling at the kid. His eyes were red and puffy and his nose was running. "Are you okay?"

The little boy shook his head and scrubbed at his nose. He had tears running down his face. Bucky shifted a little closer. "We're gonna take you over to the bench okay? We're gonna help you."

The little boy nodded. Bucky picked him up carefully and walked over to a nearby bench. He set the little boy down and Steve and Bucky sat on either side of him. "What's your name?" Bucky asked.

"Jo-Johnny." The little boy hiccuped.

"Johnny," Steve started, "My name is Steve and this is Bucky. Where's your mom?"

The little boy shrugged. "I don't know." He whispered. Steve and Bucky looked at each other.

"Johnny, we're gonna help you find her, Okay?" Bucky smiled at the kid. "Steve, go see if you can find her. I'll make sure Johnny's safe."

Steve recognised this as code for "I would like to not draw attention to myself just yet." He nodded and made his way into the crowd, calling for Johnny's mom.

"Johnny, why did you come to me for help?" Bucky asked, he was genuinely curious. Surely a little boy would find him and Steve imposing.

Johnny pulled his pant leg up, revealing a small prosthetic that went up to his knee. "Cause you're like me." He whispered, looking at Bucky's metal arm. "But your arm is way cooler than my leg." His face was lighting up and his tears were drying.

Bucky smiled at Johnny. "Thank you. But your leg will be super awesome when you get bigger I promise. And don't let anyone bother you about the leg, because you can do anything twice as well as them with that leg."

Johnny giggled. "Do you mean it?" He asked, looking up at Bucky.

Bucky smiled at the kid. "Of course, I wouldn't lie to you."

The two continued to talk as Steve walked over with a very relieved mother. She was thanking him up and down for finding her son, going on about how she was worried about him and his leg. Steve just smiled and told her it was no problem.

When they reached Bucky, they could see Johnny smiling and laughing with Bucky. The woman, Sara, breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry for the trouble, I really am Mr..."

"Rogers." Steve finished, smiling at her. "It's no problem, really. I think Johnny may have helped my friend more than we helped him." Steve mused.

Sara gave him a quizzical look before walking over to her son and thinking Bucky up and down. Johnny smiled and waved at Bucky until he was out of sight.

Steve walked over and smiled at his friend. "Ready for this?" He asked with a grin.

Bucky smirked at Steve. "Always." Bucky responded, pushing himself to his feet. "Let's go."

The two walked down the reflecting pool until they were standing at the edge of the massive lawn. Steve began to survey the area, looking for any suspicious activity. Bucky stood next to him, gazing at all the people. He was listening and watching carefully when he heard Steve breath "Nat?"

Bucky whipped his head to look over at Steve. "What?" He questioned, skimming the crowd until he saw a woman walking confidently towards them. The moment their eyes met, the small smile on her face dropped.

Steve stepped protectively in front of Bucky, shielding him from the woman's glare. He nodded at her.

When Natasha Romanoff reached the two men she stopped and crossed her arms, glaring menacingly at Steve. "Care to explain this?" She sounded perfectly calm but he could sense that she was ready to rip his head off.

"Uh, Bucky came home." Steve attempted feebly. "It's okay though Nat. It really is Buck."

She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. "I'll trust you on this one Steve, but why the hell are you here? Shield's been destroyed."

"I got a text. An unknown message said to meet here at 5." Steve went fishing in his pocket for the phone.

"A mysterious message signed with the letter C?" Nat cut him off. "Yeah, clint and I got it too."

"Who the hell do you think it is?" Steve asked, giving up on the phone. Bucky stepped out from behind Steve looking sheepishly at Natasha.

"Someone with our numbers and the name of C. An ex shield official?" She nodded slightly at Bucky as she spoke. She and Clint had talked about it already. They had discussed the idea that it could be Coulson, but quickly discarded it. They had figured that if coulson was alive, he would have told them by now.

"I was thinking, maybe it's Co-"

"No." Clint stepped out of a crowd of passing people. "I sure as hell wish it was him, but it can't be. He's dead." He looked quickly at Bucky and then back at Steve. "He's with you?"

Steve nodded. "Who else could it be? Some higher up that we've never heard of?" Steve shook his head. "I just can't shake the feeling that it's Coulson."

Two women dressed in black stepped out of a passing crowd. "If you four would follow us, we'd like to take you to C."

"And who would you be?" Natasha looked expectantly at her.

The woman slowly and carefully pulled out a badge and flipped it open. "I'm agent Melinda May of the new Shield. I would like to take you to the director."

Steve narrowed his eyes. "Fury's not like this, it's not his style."

May smirked. "We're not taking you to Fury."

Steve looked at the group. Clint shrugged and Natasha gave him a small nod. Bucky looked rather confused.

"There's no harm in checking it out." Natasha stated. "Anyways, it's been too long since we worked together." She turned to address May. "Lead the way."

The woman nodded at her younger friend and they walked together down the path, towards the back of the monument. The two didn't even look at the guards as they passed to walk to the back of the monument. There, they pulled open a cellar door.

The younger girl leapt down into the darkness, leaving May with the group. "We'll take a shuttle over to HQ from here." She looked at the group and raised an eyebrow. "We don't have all day."

Natasha and Clint walked down the stairs followed after a moments hesitation by Bucky and Steve. May came last, shutting the door behind her.

The three avengers and Bucky sat together on one side of the small shuttle. May and her friend sat across from them. May seemed to be completely at peace, but her friend kept looking at them. Steve smiled as he saw her eyes continually looking at the group. She seemed to be trying very hard to act professional.

Steve stood and walked over to her, extending his hand. "Hi there," He said good naturedly. "I'm Steve, and you are?"

She took a deep breath and looked over at May before looking at Steve again. He could see her excitement and slight panic behind her eyes. She quickly took his hand, struggling to remain professional. "I'm uh, oh wow," she blushed, "Skye." She finished quickly

"It's nice to meet you Skye." He chuckled. "Do you know where we're going?" He asked.

"The hub, where you'll meet the director." She responded. It seemed she was going to remain as closed as May.

"Would you mind telling me who the director is?" He tried.

"I'm under strict orders not to."

Steve sighed. "Worth a try anyways."

As he turned to walk away Skye reached out and grabbed his arm. She felt her heart leap. "Uh, if you don't mind me asking, who's the other guy over there. The one who wasn't at the manhattan battle." She had a feeling that she knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it from Steve.

He looked over and smiled at his friend before turning back to Skye. He settled into the seat next to her. "His name Is James Buchanan Barnes, but everyone calls him Bucky. He was my best friend in the 40's, he still is. But you probably know him best as the Winter Soldier." He saw recognition in her eyes as he mentioned that name. Hydra got a hold of him and wiped all of his memories. They turned him into a weapon. But he's here now, and he's with me." Steves normal smile dropped. "Just, do me a favor and don't bring it up around him, it's a bit of a touchy subject."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry." Skye looked away, embarrassed.

Steve smiled at her. "It's okay, I understand that you're curious. I'd just really appreciate it if you treat him like a person and not something else."

Skye nodded. "Of course. He looks like a good guy."

Steve smiled. "He's the best person I've ever known." Steve stood and walked back over to Bucky's side, chatting idly with his friends.

May turned to Skye. "Be careful around Barnes, we're still not sure how stable he is."

"Steve seems to trust him. I think that's good enough for me." Skye responded calmly, watching the four interact.

The train slowed to a stop and May stood. "If you would all follow me, I'll take you to the director."

She lead them up into an elevator, as the group stepped inside,they were addressed by a robotic voice. "State your name and purpose." It said calmly.

Steve slid his leather shield bag off his back and down to the floor in front of him for easy access if necessary.

"The old voice system has yet to be replaced." She stated calmly, punching numbers into a keypad. "It doesn't do anything, but we haven't had the time to change the audio."

Once the elevator had reached the desired floor, May strode out into the plain hallway. Here was one door on one side of the hall, and a small door on the other.

"You'll wait in this room until the director is ready for you." May explained, flashing her badge at the sensor and opening the largest door. The four friends exchanged glances and walked in carefully.

May closed the door behind them. "Come on Skye, we have weapons training." She began walking down the hall. Skye looked longingly at the door for a moment and followed.

"May, how do you think they'll respond?" She asked.

May just shook her head. "I have no idea."

Steve sat down on a small black sofa. He looked around at the room. The walls were matte black and bare. There were a few lights lining the edges of the wall and a plain lamp hanging from the ceiling.

"This is so not Fury's style." Natasha said, looking at the room with him. Bucky stood near the door, obviously uncomfortable. Clint was inspecting the walls and ceiling for surveillance cameras.

Steve shook his head. "Definitely not Fury. Maybe Hill?"

Clint shook his head. "Nah, Hill doesn't work this way either." He paused for a moment. " I still feel like it's-"

"No." Natasha cut him off. "It's not Coulson. He's dead." She shook her head. "We've been over this, all of us. I wish he was alive, I really do. But we have to accept that Coulson died that day. There's no way around it."

"Well Fury managed to find one." A new voice chimed in.

Everyone's head snapped to look at the speaker. Coulson was standing in front of them, smiling gently. "Sorry for all the secrecy, as you know Shield isn't a popular organization right now."

The group stared at him, completely shocked. "You died." Clint said, staring at Coulson. "You were stabbed, you were completely dead. How the hell are you here?"

"Why didn't you tell us you were alive!" Natasha spat, angry and hurt that he kept himself secret.

I'm sorry." He said simply. "I was under strict orders from Fury to keep quiet about it."

"Alright, so where is he then?" Clint demanded.

"I'm not quite sure. Fury decided that he was done with Shield. The world would never trust the organization while he was in charge."

"So who's the director then?" Steve inquired, moving to stand by Bucky.

Coulson smiled softly again. "I am." He stated simply. "I'll answer all your questions soon, but let's go inside my office.

Steve looked at Bucky, ignoring the rest of Coulson's speech. "Buck, it's okay. You're with me." Steve whispered to Bucky. "Come on Buck, it's okay." Steve coaxed his friend from the corner.

Bucky shook his head. "I shouldn't be here Steve, I'm an enemy, a traitor."

Steve was about to argue when he felt someone touch on his shoulder. He turned and was met with Coulson's kind face. "Steve, could I speak to for a moment?"

Steve nodded hesitantly, smiling at Bucky before walking over to his friends. Coulson turned to the ex-assassin.

He smiled and extended his hand to Bucky, "It's an honor to meet you ." Bucky blinked a few times, hesitantly taking Coulson's hand.

"An... Honor?" Bucky asked.

"Yes, an honor. Everything that you did with the Howling Commandos, it was really quite amazing!" He gushed. Coulson was well aware that Bucky didn't remember much, but he was hoping he would remember just a little of that.

"That was a long time ago." Bucky mumbled. The only reason he knew about the Commandos was because Steve had taken him to the Smithsonian exhibit. "You know what I've done recently. It shouldn't be an honour to meet me.

Coulson released Bucky's hand. "You didn't do anything wrong ." He said growing serious.

Bucky shook his head. "You know exactly what I did. I'm a monster, I shouldn't be here." He insisted, turning and reaching for the door. Coulson stopped him just short of the handle.

"As the Director of Shield, I have recognised that it was hydra that murdered those people. I also recognize you as a friend of this agency. You are not a monster, you are a brave man, and you belong here just as much as the rest of us." Coulson insisted. "I have spent time with traitors and murderers, you are not one. You are a good man who was forced into a bad situation." He willed Bucky to understand.

He frowned and shook his head. "I remember it though. Their blood is on my hands."

"No." Coulson insisted. "That blood is on hydra. James buchanan Barnes is not hydra, you, are not hydra. The winter soldier is hydra."

"One in the same." Bucky grunted.

"No," Coulson looked into his eyes. "You're really not. It's your choice, but I'm about to brief the team." Coulson smiled at him one last time before walking back to the group.

Steve stood to meet Coulson. "What did you tell him?" He demanded.

"I told him the truth. Just give him a minute." Coulson whispered. "It's good to see you again cap." He added.

"You were dead Coulson, what happened?" Steve asked, still looking at Bucky in the corner.

"That's what I'm about to explain." He walked to a small wall panel and placed his hand on the sensor. A previously unseen door swung open to grant access to a larger, more comfortable room.

Natasha walked calmly into the office and the others followed. The inside of Coulson's office was spacious and brightly lit. There were tinted windows covering the far wall. The other two walls were covered in massive computer screens. Each one displayed different things, most looked to be surveillance cameras with different titles.

The group made themselves comfortable on the chairs and looked expectantly at Coulson. Bucky had slipped in at some point and he was sitting close to Steve. Coulson sat down in a chair across from them and sighed. "I should tell you all, this was a miracle. I never expected or even really hoped that this would happen." And so he began to tell them all the truth of his revival. How Fury had ordered the T.A.H.I.T.I project to go into motion, effectively bringing Coulson back from the dead.

When he was done, the group sat in stunned silence.

"So Fury wasn't lying when he said you were dead." Natasha whispered.

"I can answer more questions later, I promise. But I need your help." He looked at each of them. "You are my friends and my allies, and what I'm asking of you is not just for Shield, it's personal. I've had a bit of one on one time with hydra and it nearly cost my team." Coulson stood and walked over to the monitors. "These security feeds have been hacked by a trusted member of Shield. She has confirmed that they have no way to know that we can see these. Each feed is labeled with the corresponding base. Sand Box, Slingshot, Tree house and so on. They and many others are important Shield facilities." Coulson explained.

"If they're so important, why haven't we heard of them?" Clint inquired, genuinely interested.

"Fury believed in the compartmentalization of information. There was an awful lot that none of you knew. For being our elite group, your clearance was remarkably low." He looked over their expectant faces. "I can't afford to compartmentalize. There are only a handful of people I trust anymore."

The small group nodded. "So what's important about them?" Natasha asked.

"Each one is unique. Some hold criminals, others hold alien tech. Others are just research bases. The big thing is, the names in red are controlled by Hydra." Coulson sighed, looking at the board himself. "As you can see, we're at a bit of a disadvantage."

"And you want us to help you get these bases back." Steve finished for him.

"I would like it if you would help." He shook his head. "I know it's a big job, and I know it's a lot to ask. These bases contain some of the most dangerous people and things that we know of. I can offer a few people to help, but it's not going to be easy." He looked hopefully at the small group.

Clint and Natasha looked at each other. "We're in." They stated in unison.

Bucky grabbed steve's hand with his own. "I'm in." Steve mimicked his response.

Coulson sighed with relief. "Great, there's just one more thing. I have to confirm it with Stark, but I would like for all of you to move in to the Avengers Tower."

The four looked slightly startled at this. "You mean you want us in Tony's shoe boxes?" Clint mumbled.

"If my sources are correct, he had designed and built each of you an entire floor. Customisable to your wants and needs. I'll be contacting him separately about this, so I'll send you all a text later with the details." Coulson answered truthfully. "In the meantime, Skye will take you home or May will show you around. Whatever you prefer."

Clint and Natasha walked out together, nodding at Coulson. Bucky followed shortly after. Steve however, stayed.

"Sir." He started, getting his friends attention. "It's good to see you alive." He said simply before walking out. Bucky stood just outside the door waiting.

"Do you want to go home?" Buck asked, wrapping his hand with Steve's.

Steve smiled up at his friend. "I think we have a lot to talk about." He hummed, pulling Bucky to follow Skye down the elevator. "But it can wait until we get home."


End file.
